Those Words shared by A Dad That Saved Me as a New Dad

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

But the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good spot. You require support. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to talking about the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a broader failure to talk among men, who often hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a pause - taking a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."