🔗 Share this article Navigating my Desire for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, largely enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that many gay men engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently resulting in lots of pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s intimate path varies. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. At some point you could encounter a person offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.